THE TOP 5 REGRETS
‘OF THE DYING …’
The Top 5 REGRETS OF THE DYING..
After looking closely back across my life, The Top 5 Regrets used to appear often … I was extremely unhappy with what I saw and decided to do something about it.
If I was to be truly honest with myself (and indeed you) I wouldn’t of titled this article the Top 5 Regrets … It would be called the top 100 excuses of The Dying…(maybe you will relate)
How very easy it is for us to float through life, to simply ‘blend in’ and become unnoticed to those around us. Life becomes a habitual blend of ducking and weaving, attempting to keep the peace within…. and without. Then a very special day arrives in all of our lives, a time when where we decide to change it …..
This day can stretch into weeks, months and even years if we are not careful. !!
This day starts out not unlike any other, beginning with our usual ducking and weaving, we quickly fall into our routines. The failure to assert our respectful opinion to a demoralising boss, allowing continual traffic jams to misguide and plague our sublime health and simply conforming to a lifestyle that offers very little emotional reward, is where it all begins. Life seems somehow easier this way, we continually remind ourselves in the hope that our internal lie will someday become easier to live with. Easier until the moment arrives when we begin to notice someone in our lives, a person that has been there all along, but is now a person we regret ever getting to know.
For me this person began to show themselves at the age of 35 (now 38), I was brought to abrupt halt in my life when he appeared, as he placed all of his personal emotional baggage in one large pile, right there before my very eyes. In that moment the habitual lie played over and over in my mind, ‘It is easy to live this way’, ‘it is easier to live this way’, on and on it went like some chewed cassette being destroyed by a ruthless tape player. Right then and there my world crash down before me, I knew I had been lying to myself for the past 20 odd years and the person that saw before me…. Was indeed myself.
Below are my 5 main reasons as to why I was forced to meet my lying self at age 35, my hope is that wherever you’re at, you too begin to realise that life possibly needs to change.
If only I stood up for myself more…(What I Have Inside – Counts)
Being raised to believe that manners always should come first in life, I don’t blame my parents for this belief. In fact it is manners that form the basis of my #1 regret in life, sadly I simply forgot to apply the second half of the ‘manners theory’…
Before I met the young man with the very large pile of luggage at 35 (me), I continually let my manners run my life. What I mean, is that my manners allowed, or rather didn’t allow me to become me. There was the time when I walked home from school only to face the 2 boys who were awaiting for their easy target, there was the time when I was always left with the crappy jobs at work because I failed to choose one of the 3 others on offer before anyone else, oh and there was also the time when I allowed my boss to publically display his misguided opinion, with a very large verbal spray of non repeatable words, and I do mean a rage of words that included literal spitting in a very public setting.
Learn to speak assertively in all environments, do this without putting others down, if your values are compromised in any way, shape or form, than it is your time to act….
My manners indeed created a personal belief system over the years, one that in turn shaped and restricted my actions for a very long time indeed…..35 years in fact.
Having To Simply ‘Fit in’…(I’m allowed to be ME)
Throughout my life I loved to be included in nearly everything that was occurring around me, not wanting to stand out for the wrong reasons my desperate need to ‘fit in’, began at school and continued to followed me throughout my apprenticeship and then on to the worksites at age 35. I have lost count of the amount of times where I said or did something, in order to please someone else’s immediate needs or requirements (while sacrificing my own)…
The times when I gambled my entire paycheque away in 2 hours ($800AU), because it was the ‘cool’ thing to do. The time when I didn’t speak my mind, in fear of people laughing about my spiritual slant on life, the many times when I ran the gauntlet of risking serious personal injury because I drank well in excess of my doctor’s prior suggestions. How many times have we all decided to play the ‘safe game’ of life because of the risk of standing out from the crowd….?
My biggest regret (now I look back) was thinking that the answers lay ‘out there’, my spiritual yearning for personal empowerment was somehow the right of an external force or person, that when found, would bring me total clarity towards life…. I thought that by serving others (or pleasing their needs) would somehow bring about this personal reward I so badly craved.
After years of searching and studying others, the is one thing that I can say for sure……It’s definitely not ‘out there’, I can guarantee it is ‘in here’, your heart and soul are waiting for you to stop pleasing others and to start feeling what it is you truly desire from life. You can start today by standing up for the things you believe in, the cruelty to animals, the out of the box ideas you constantly have, the energetic healings you’re attracted to, the online lifestyle you so badly know you can do, but always withdraw from at the negative jaunt that comes from someone with absolutely no desire for a better life.
Wanting Approval (waiting for my ducks to line up)
A brilliant idea has arrived, an opportunity that finally presents some value to myself and others, not just some one hit wonder but a real long term plan with potential. ‘Hang On’, I better check in with a few of my friends and family to see whether this plan is indeed suitable for the market place….BIG MISTAKE…!!
My vision, is my vision and my family and friends were never going to see the things I could not only see, but literally feel in my heart. So why on earth did I continue to ask undriven people what they thought about my ‘driven’ approach to life…?
“Hey, I have done my research and performed a month’s worth of actual testing for a product I wish to create”, I would say. What product, what idea and what is testing ‘they’ (family and friends) would reply.. It was then I would pour out my enthusiasm for life about the real life evidence I had gathered, the data that showed how people actually wanted that which I potentially offered. ‘No, No’ just go back and be an Electrician…they added.. What do you know about data, people and this ‘split testing’ thingy you mentioned, ‘I heard over and over’..
So in the bin that idea went, along with the extremely persuasive evidence that I neglected all because I didn’t get 100% agreement from an audience that can’t agree on their own direction in life. I implore you to share your dreams with the people you know who will offer support, but please, please don’t seek their approval before you begin….
The world is craving people like you, it wants you to simply ‘begin’ and then it will support you by offering advice, learning opportunities and potential stakeholders in areas you least expected. But if you fail to begin (like me once upon a time), then it cannot support you.
Allowing Money To Be An Excuse In Life (how can I afford it….)
It’s amazing how often we revert to this excuse, the amount of times I have said no to a small business idea, a marketing course, or even a small holiday upgrade because the same old music played within my head. “Troy you can’t afford it, you better not”, it would relentlessly remind me. All the while, those who were in exactly the same position as me, took the leap of faith and went on to survive just fine. (actually most of them became wealthy)
I remember a time (well actually the biggest time of all) in my life, the same time where most people believe they can’t afford one of life’s greatest pleasures. Kids… My wife and I were too’ing and fro’ing about whether or not to have children, like many others our financial situation was certainly not at a ‘record high’. Having convinced myself of not being able to afford it, I decided to work up the courage and explain to my wife all the reasons why we shouldn’t proceed. Within that week (lucky for me), we fell pregnant (or at least she did).
Little Charlotte stepped into the world with 3 months of singing in her own unique language (commonly known as screaming), anyway, somehow day in, day out, we were supported with money. As if by magic, money and opportunities just seemed to appear to help us raise this magical gift. The amount of times I used to worry myself into a stupor because of the impending doom of bankruptcy was incredible, only to realise ‘things’ just seem to work out.
Now I look back, I regret not following through with my dreams and desires because I allowed my mind to send me the incorrect signals. Even though I still worry today a little about what I used to call impending doom, I know that ‘things’; just seem to work out fine. That all the worry was really unnecessary and more often than not, bad for my health.
The ‘Blind Excuse’ – (They just don’t understand the Top 5 Regrets)
This is without a doubt the most commonly used in life, I have placed it fifth because it doesn’t usually carry too much emotional weight and is usually easily overcome.
This is the ‘blind reason’, that sits on the bench. While the entire team of ‘reasons’ is already out there on the field, this one waits patiently as it knows eventually, it will get a call up. It is just some personal ‘circumstance’ or ‘problem’ we all pick out of thin air when all other excuses are failing to hold us back. For me it was a ‘heart condition’, it sat patiently on the bench…Just waiting for a call up…
At the age of 24 I was told I had an irregular heartbeat, something that destroyed my world for around 11 years (because I let it). Every opportunity that came my way that I was was not 100% confident in, I would give this excuse the ‘call up’. “Sorry, my doctor has advised otherwise”, or..” I better not, as my heart might not like the stress involved”…WOW, what a load of crap that turned out to be. At 38, it seems that life just continues to unfold for me with or without an irregular heartbeat.
The point here is, that I was never 100% confident in the opportunities that presented, but I know now that I am 100% confident in myself and the universe for ensuring my progression in life. Life simply continues to unfold just fine, whether you’re winning or losing it will simply keep unfolding.
Your experience in life is about growth and this is what counts in life. Every opportunity you say no too (obviously some you need to), is an opportunity you have missed for potential growth in your life. Don’t allow yourself to drag out the ‘blind excuse’ anymore, step forth with a commitment for growth and you will be surprised at who you find.
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